Which Strap-On Is Right for Me? A Comprehensive Guide to Choosing

You want to try a strap-on. Great idea—but then comes the hard part: choosing one. Should you go for a strap-on with a harness, a complete set, or a model without a harness? Which dildo is best for a beginner? What works well for pegging? And what exactly is the difference between a strapless strap-on and a hollow strap-on dildo?
Anyone looking into strap-ons for the first time will quickly discover that “a strap-on” isn’t just one type of sex toy. There are different systems that are worn and used quite differently. The best strap-on isn’t automatically the biggest, most expensive, or most elaborate model, but the one that fits your body, your partner, and what you want to do with it.
In this buying guide, we’ll help you determine which strap-on is right for you, step by step. We’ll compare the different types, explain when it’s better to choose a harness, briefs, set, strapless, or hollow model, and provide practical tips on size, fit, and pegging.

Which strap-on is right for me? The quick buying guide

Not sure where to start? Then use this overview first: Want to browse all the different styles first? Then check out the complete selection of strap-ons and strap-on dildos.

• I want to try a strap-on for the first time and am looking for convenience above all else: choose a complete strap-on set.
• I want to be able to choose which dildo I use: combine a separate strap-on harness with a suitable strap-on dildo.
• I don’t want loose straps around my body: check out the strap-on briefs.
• I want to play without a traditional harness at all: choose a strapless strap-on.
• As the wearer, I also want internal stimulation: look for a strapless strap-on, possibly with vibration.
• I want to wear a strap-on over my penis: check out the hollow strap-ons.
• I want to add extra length or girth to my penis: a hollow strap-on might be suitable for that.
• I’m looking for a strap-on for pegging: make sure to prioritize good control, a well-fitting harness, and a dildo sized appropriately for the receiving partner’s experience.

1. First, decide what you want to use the strap-on for

The search for the right strap-on doesn’t start with the color, length, or material, but with a much simpler question: what do you want to do with it?
A strap-on can be used for vaginal penetration, anal penetration, pegging, role-playing, and various forms of BDSM and partner play, among other things. The intended use largely determines which system will be most comfortable.
For example, if you mainly want to experiment with pegging, control and a manageable size are important. If you want to use different dildos regularly, a harness with interchangeable dildos is a better option. And if you also want to feel internal stimulation yourself while penetrating your partner, then a strapless strap-on is the way to go.
So don’t start by asking “Which strap-on is the best?”, but rather “What do we want to do with the strap-on?”. That makes the rest of the decision considerably easier.

2. Strap-on with or without a harness?

One of the most important choices is between a traditional strap-on with a harness and a strap-on without a harness.

Strap-on with a harness: stability and control

In the classic design, a dildo is worn in front of the body with a harness. The harness wraps around the waist, hips, and/or legs and holds the dildo in place during penetration.
The main advantage of this is control. When the harness fits properly, the dildo moves with the wearer’s hips. This makes it easier to control the direction, pace, and depth of penetration.
A harness is also a good option if you want to be able to use different dildos. In many models, the dildo is attached with an O-ring. As long as another dildo fits that ring in terms of diameter and base, you can continue to use the same harness.
Check out our strap-on harnesses and pair a suitable model with one of the dildos designed for strap-on use.

Strap-on without a harness: more body contact

If you’d rather not wear any straps at all, you can opt for a strapless strap-on. This is also known as a harness-free strap-on or strap-on dildo without a harness.
Most strapless models have a shorter section that is inserted vaginally by the wearing partner. The longer section is used to penetrate the receiving partner.
The advantage is that the wearer can also experience stimulation and that there is no traditional harness wrapped around the body. On the other hand, a strapless model generally requires more muscle control. How well the dildo stays in place depends, among other things, on anatomy, pelvic floor strength, the shape of the toy, and the sexual position.
If you’re looking for maximum mechanical stability, a harness usually has the advantage. If, on the other hand, you want a more direct experience where the wearer is also stimulated internally, a strapless option might be more appealing.

3. Complete strap-on set or build your own?

Once you’ve decided to use a harness, the next choice is: should you buy everything as a set or put together your own strap-on?

Complete strap-on set: an easy way to get started

For beginners, a complete strap-on set is often the simplest solution. You get a harness and a matching dildo that are designed to be used together.
This means you don’t have to figure out which diameter fits through which O-ring or which base is wide enough to hold the dildo securely.
A set is therefore especially suitable if you’re thinking:
“We just want to try a strap-on. Give us something that goes together.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. For a first-time experience, simplicity is often an advantage.

Separate harness and dildo: maximum freedom of choice

If you want more freedom, choose a strap-on harness and a strap-on-compatible dildo separately.
This way, you decide the combination of fit, length, diameter, material, flexibility, and shape. Plus, you can use other dildos with the same harness later on, provided the attachment system is compatible.
That makes a modular system appealing if you expect to use a strap-on more often or want to try different sizes.

4. Do you want a harness or would you prefer strap-on panties?

A traditional harness isn’t the only way to wear a separate dildo. There are also strap-on panties.
Strap-on panties are essentially a pair of panties in which a compatible dildo is attached to the body. Their function is therefore similar to that of a traditional dildo harness, but the way they’re worn is different.
Choose a traditional harness when: Choose a strap-on brief when:Neither system is inherently better. It mainly comes down to which design feels more comfortable on your body.

• you want to be able to adjust the fit precisely;
• you value having a lot of control over the dildo;
• you want to be able to combine different dildos;
• you find the open look of straps and buckles attractive;

• you’d rather wear briefs than several separate straps;
• you prefer a simple wearing design;
• you prefer the snug fit of underwear;
• you want to wear a suitable interchangeable dildo in briefs.

5. Which strap-on is best for beginners?

The best strap-on for beginners is usually not the most spectacular model in the lineup. For a first experience, comfort, stability, and control are more important than all sorts of extra features.
An adjustable complete strap-on set with a dildo that’s not too large is therefore often a good first choice. You know that the main parts fit together, and you can first discover what it feels like to move a dildo with your hips.
If you want to be able to switch things up from the start, a good adjustable strap-on harness with a separate, relatively compact dildo is a good alternative.

What size strap-on for beginners?

As a beginner, don’t let yourself be too tempted by total length. Focus mainly on the insertable length and diameter or girth.
A few extra centimeters in girth can make a much bigger difference during penetration than the same few extra centimeters in length. Especially with anal penetration or pegging, a relatively slim model is usually easier to start with.
A smaller dildo also has advantages for the person wearing the harness. It’s usually lighter and easier to control. After all, you have to learn to maneuver a toy whose penetrating end you can’t feel directly.
You can always go bigger later. Your first strap-on doesn’t have to be a test of your skills.

6. Which strap-on is suitable for pegging?

Pegging is one of the most well-known reasons for buying a strap-on. In pegging, one partner is anally penetrated by a partner wearing a strap-on.
For a good strap-on for pegging, I’d focus on three things in particular: For beginners, an adjustable harness with a relatively slim dildo is often a good starting point. A complete strap-on set can be handy if you don’t want to put it together yourself. If you’d rather choose a specific size yourself, combine a strap-on harness with a suitable dildo for pegging.

• a harness or system that gives the wearer sufficient control;
• a dildo sized appropriately for the receiving partner’s experience;
• a stable connection between the dildo and the harness.

A strapless strap-on can also be used for pegging if the specific model is suitable for that purpose. Keep in mind that the wearer typically needs more muscle control with this type than with a traditional harness.
When engaging in anal penetration, use plenty of suitable lubricant and take it slow. If you’d like to learn more about this form of sex, be sure to read our comprehensive guide on what pegging is.

7. What kind of dildo do you need for a strap-on harness?

This is important when you buy your harness and dildo separately: not every dildo fits into every strap-on harness.
With many harnesses, the dildo is secured with an O-ring. The shaft of the dildo passes through the ring, and the wider base remains behind it.
Therefore, be sure to check at least the following: A dildo with a wide, flared base is often suitable for O-ring harnesses, provided the diameter is correct. A dildo without a sufficiently wide base can be pulled through the ring during movement.

• the inner diameter of the O-ring;
• the diameter of the dildo at the attachment point;
• whether the base of the dildo is wide enough;
• whether the O-ring is fixed, flexible, or interchangeable;
• whether the weight of the dildo is suitable for the chosen harness.

To make your search easier, we’ve compiled the suitable models in the Strap-on Dildos collection.

8. Do you want stimulation yourself while wearing it?

With a traditional strap-on, the harness’s main function is to hold and guide the dildo. If you, as the partner wearing it, also want to be actively stimulated, there are several options.
One of the most interesting is the strapless strap-on. The internal part is worn vaginally and can provide pressure and stimulation during movement. There are also vibrating strapless strap-ons in which built-in motors add extra stimulation.
Depending on the design, vibrations can be felt by the wearer, the recipient, or both.
If you’re primarily looking for maximum control during penetration, a classic harness may still be the better choice. If you want the strap-on to serve more as a toy for both partners, then a strapless or vibrating model is worth considering.

9. Which strap-on for a man?

Strap-ons aren’t exclusively intended to be worn by women. Men can also wear a strap-on or strap-on dildo.
Which design is suitable depends on what you want to achieve with it. A standard harness, for example, can be used to wear a dildo against the body. With certain models, this can be done alongside the penis or in combination with other forms of play.
If, on the other hand, you want to insert the penis into the dildo, you’ll need a different system: a hollow strap-on.

10. When should you choose a hollow strap-on?

A hollow strap-on has an opening into which the penis is inserted. The outer part of the dildo is then used for penetration.
This type of model can be a good choice if you:With a hollow dildo, you need to consider sizing differently than with a regular strap-on. Not only must the outside fit the receiving partner; the inside must also be comfortable for the person wearing it.

• want to add extra penetration length;
• want to create more girth;
• want to wear a dildo over the penis;
• want to be able to experience penetration even when an erection isn’t as firm.

Therefore, pay attention to the internal diameter and internal length as well as the external diameter and insertable length.
Check out our collection of Hollow Strap-ons.

11. Which strap-on offers the most control?

If your main goal is to have as much control as possible over the dildo’s movement, a well-fitting traditional harnessis usually a good place to start.
A harness that fits snugly against the body helps transfer the movement of your hips more directly to the dildo. The less the attachment shifts, the easier it generally is to control direction and depth.
Keep in mind: An extremely large and heavy dildo can be harder to control even in an excellent harness than a more compact model. Therefore, choose the dildo and harness as a single system.

• sufficient adjustment points;
• a fit that conforms to your body;
• a secure attachment for the dildo;
• a dildo whose weight matches the harness;
• an O-ring that fits the dildo’s diameter snugly.

12. Which strap-on should you choose if different partners want to wear it?

If you want to be able to use the same harness with your partner or with multiple partners, the adjustment range is particularly important.
A highly adjustable strap-on harness can be more easily adapted to different waist and hip sizes. If the harness also has interchangeable O-rings, you can use different dildos as well.
This makes a modular system appealing for couples who like to switch roles: you can keep the same harness while adjusting the fit and dildo to suit both the wearer and the recipient.

13. Choosing a strap-on: our decision guide

Still unsure after all this information? Then you can use this simple decision guide:
Your main priority Best choice
First strap-on and want to start as simply as possible Strap-on Set
Want to choose different dildos yourself Strap-on Harness + Strap-on Dildo
Maximum adjustability and control Adjustable Strap-on Harness
Prefer briefs over loose straps Strap-on Briefs
Don’t want to use a traditional harness Strapless Strap-on
Want internal stimulation as the wearer? Strapless Strap-on
Extra vibration for one or both partners Vibrating Strapless Strap-on
Wear the dildo over the penis Hollow Strap-on
Add extra length or girth Hollow Strap-on
Use your own existing dildo Detachable Strap-on Harness

14. Five Mistakes to Avoid When Choosing a Strap-On

1. Focusing only on the size of the dildo

A strap-on is a complete system. A great dildo in a poorly fitting harness does not make for a great strap-on. So also consider fit, attachment, and control.

2. Assuming that any dildo fits in any harness

Always check the O-ring diameter, the dildo’s diameter, and the shape of the base. “It looks like it might fit” isn’t a reliable measure.

3. Choosing a very large size right away as a beginner

A manageable size is easier for both the wearer and the receiving partner. You can always experiment with a larger dildo later.

4. Forgetting the harness’s adjustability range

A beautiful harness that doesn’t fit your body comfortably won’t get much use. Choose the right size for your body. We carry strap-on harnesses in sizes S through 2XL. Not sure what fits? We’re happy to advise you via chat or email

5. Thinking that a strapless strap-on is automatically easier

No harness or straps doesn’t automatically mean less hassle. A strapless dildo may actually require more pelvic floor control, and sometimes you’ll need to experiment more with positions to figure out what works best for you and your partner and feels the best. This isn’t meant to scare you off, by the way—strapless strap-ons are fantastic!

15. What else do you need besides a strap-on?

A good strap-on is the most important part, but don’t forget to use the right lube. Especially for anal penetration and pegging, plenty of lube is essential because the anus doesn’t produce its own natural lubrication.
Make sure to check which lubricant is compatible with your dildo’s material. For silicone toys, a water-based lubricant is generally the safe choice unless the manufacturer recommends otherwise.
If you want to use a dildo with different partners or switch between uses more easily, putting a condom over the dildo can be practical. Use a new condom whenever you switch partners or switch from anal to vaginal use.

Frequently Asked Questions About Choosing a Strap-On

Which strap-on is best for beginners?

A complete, adjustable strap-on set with a dildo that isn’t too large is an accessible choice for many beginners. The harness and dildo are already selected as a set. If you want more freedom of choice right away, choose an adjustable harness with a separate, modestly sized dildo.

Which strap-on is best for pegging?

For pegging, stability, control, and a suitable dildo size are especially important. A well-fitting harness with a relatively slim dildo is often easier for beginners to use. More experienced users can, of course, try different sizes and systems.

Is a strapless strap-on better than a strap-on with a harness?

Not necessarily. A harness generally provides more mechanical stability and control. A strapless model has no traditional straps and can also provide internal stimulation to the wearer. Which version is more comfortable depends on your preference.

What size strap-on dildo should I choose?

Focus primarily on the insertable length and diameter or girth. For beginners, a small to medium size is often easier to control and more comfortable for gradually building up experience. For anal use, the diameter is especially important.

Can I use any dildo in a strap-on harness?

No. The dildo must be compatible with the attachment system. For an O-ring harness, the diameter of the dildo and the ring must match, and the dildo must have a sufficiently wide base. If needed, check out our selection of strap-on-compatible dildos.

What’s the difference between a strap-on and a strap-on dildo?

These terms are often used interchangeably in the Netherlands. “Strap-on” can refer to either the complete system or the type of toy itself. “Strap-on dildo” is the Dutch term and can also refer to a dildo worn in front of the body with a harness.

Can a man wear a strap-on?

Yes. Many strap-on harnesses can be worn by people of different body types. If you specifically want to wear a dildo over the penis—for example, to add length or girth—you might want to look into a hollow strap-on.

Can I use different dildos with a single strap-on harness?

With many harnesses, this is possible. Check whether the different dildos match the diameter and base of the O-ring or other attachment. Harnesses with interchangeable O-rings often offer additional options.

Which strap-on is right for you?

Choosing the right strap-on becomes much easier once you know what’s important to you. If you mainly want to get started easily, a complete strap-on set is a logical choice. If you want maximum freedom to use different dildos, combine a separate strap-on harness with a suitable dildo.
Prefer a panty style? Check out the strap-on panties. If you want to play without a traditional harness at all and experience internal stimulation yourself as the wearer, take a look at the strapless strap-ons. And if you want to wear a dildo over your penis or add extra length or girth, the hollow strap-ons are worth checking out.
Would you like to take your time comparing all the options side by side first? Then visit our complete selection of strap-ons and strap-on dildos. There you’ll find all the different systems and can continue searching for the style that suits your play style.