8 ways to make your Dominant feel comfortable

We often think of a Dom as the sexy, invincible superhero. Being led on your BDSM journey by someone who is calm, confident and responsible puts you at ease, allowing you to open up and explore despite your nervousness or vulnerability.

The reality, of course, is that Dom-identifying kinksters are human like all of us and need help from time to time. Good BDSM requires a concerted effort between givers and receivers to be satisfying and safe for all participants. If you're a submissive and want to take your dynamics to a deeper level, here are 8 ways you can help your Dom feel comfortable as they lead you

1. When you speak, be honest

Submissive individuals are usually focused on pleasing the people they care about. You might be tempted to hold back your true feelings every now and then as you navigate your dynamics with your partner. For example, if you feel ashamed or ashamed of what you want to try in the bedroom, you can soften your most taboo desires for fear of judgment. If your Dom did something you didn't like while playing, you could lie and pretend you liked it without upsetting or discouraging him.

It's great to have this kind of empathy and to give your partner's feelings, but the instinct to protect them at all costs won't help you in the long run. Doms are not mind readers. They need guidance and feedback to lead the dynamics in a way that keeps your sessions fun and fulfilling. There are articles, books, and kinky stories that can help you express yourself if you're having trouble finding the right words. But at the end of the day, no one can convey your true feelings except you. If you want to enjoy BDSM, honesty is key.

2. Do your best to communicate well

Communication can feel like a challenge when we're floating through subspace or navigating the rollercoaster of emotions involved in an intense BDSM session. It's tempting to tune out and relinquish control completely. Unfortunately, this can be dangerous. While your Dom is responsible for protecting you, they need you to let them know if you are approaching a hard limit, the risk of injury, or the possibility of psychological trauma.

Commit to opening communication before, during and after a scene. If you're not in a good space to play, that's totally the case. Let your Dom know and wait until you're ready to dive in. If you want to stop a scene or steer it in a different direction, use your stop words and safe signals. If you want something special during the aftercare, please let us know. Your stupid, if they care about you, will want you to feel safe and content. Give them the information they need to help you.

3. Realize what dominance actually is

Honestly, there are a lot of big egos in the BDSM scene. Too many people start topping for selfish reasons. They want to be seen as confident and powerful. They want to be worshiped and admired. Being a sub it's easy to get the impression that anyone who calls themselves a Dom will be dominant all the time in every aspect of their identity, but that's not how the majority of people work.

Effective, caring, lasting domination is not an identity, but a service. It is a form of care that tops and switchers take on for the pleasure of both parties. Doms are not robots or kink dispensers that behave one way under all circumstances. No matter how natural dominance comes across to them, there will be times when they can't stick to the label, just like all submissives have times when they want to be more in control or in charge. Anticipating this mutability of your partner can help both of you avoid unrealistic expectations. We play with three-dimensional people, not one-dimensional characters.

4. Sometimes a break is important

Sometimes Doms need time to recharge between sessions, especially those that require a lot of energy and attention on their part. Some submissives have an insatiable appetite for BDSM and there's nothing wrong with that, of course, but it's important to give Doms time to relax. If you find yourself always wanting more and this is becoming a sticking point, talk to your partner about your kinky libido and see if you can figure out ways to compromise. As with sex, it's common for BDSM partners to find themselves on different pages when it comes to their appetites.t.

Also keep in mind that the pleasure we derive from BDSM is chemical. Endorphins play a huge role in our experience and, like any other activity that generates feelings of pleasure, kinky play is often addictive. No matter how high we rise, what goes up must always come down. Becoming aware of your relationship with your craving for kinky fun will help you regulate your own emotions, allowing you to approach your Dom in an honest and realistic way.

5. Be prepared for mistakes

Doms are expected to master their own problems. Slipping or careless play can cause trauma or injury to their subs. As a sub it is your right (and in my opinion also your responsibility) to set high standards for the people who are allowed to be above you. Body, mind and spirit can be fragile things.

That said, all Doms make mistakes from time to time. It's impossible to get it right all the time, so it helps to realize that mistakes are made every now and then. There are, of course, limits. If you seem stupid willingly reckless or indifferent to your well-being, then I strongly recommend that you never play with that person again. However, not every blunder is intentional or a deal breaker. Those experiences may help you come closer together if you manage to process them together.

6. Join the story

Your Dom, if they are caring and ethical, will work hard to create an experience you enjoy, complete with exciting words, actions and aftercare. It's tempting to show up and just go along for the ride, but keep in mind that Doms generally get comfort and satisfaction from reactions. You don't have to be an actor or exaggerate your reactions, but stay involved and participate in the story, you are the actor in that as well.

Role-playing is a great way to get comfortable with this if you're shy. By embodying a character, such as a naughty student, prisoner, or patient at a doctor's office, it can make it easier to explore different activities, sensations, and mindspaces. Working together, you and your Dom have the potential to create uniquely kinky memories that will last a lifetime.

7. Be caring when you need to

Is your Dom sick or has he been through a rough patch? Even if they are the stiff upper lip type they will probably appreciate being taken care of in their time. Make them soup, put on their favorite movie and shower them with affection. If they just lost their job or experienced a similar blow to their sense of stability, the comfort and reassurance you provide can pave the way to help them feel like themselves again. The last thing they should do is worry about their dominance if they are really in trouble..

8. Have patience

Some subs want it all right away. We want to dive in deep with new partners and explore our most intense fantasies. We want our soft limits to be explored and pushed by a skilled top. Some want the cleansing catharsis that comes with a lot of pain and a good cry. What kinkster wouldn't be tempted to scout out with the right person ASAP "I want it NOW!!""

As exciting as it is, it takes a person's time and effort to get to that point safely. Your Dom may have perfectly justified concerns that you are going too far before they have a good idea of your limits and desires. Sometimes it helps to talk through their hesitation, but sometimes it's better to just be patient.

Do you have any questions, ideas or anything else you want to share with us? Send an email to info@erotiekvoordeel.nl, we are happy to help you!!