7 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Entering The BDSM Scene

7 things I wish I had known before entering the bdsm scene

As a BDSM guy, I was once a newbie. When I got into the lifestyle it was like coming back on a roller coaster. It was a very overwhelming time because I wanted to do everything and explore this new world right away. It wasn't fast enough for me. Caution had no place in my life.

Fortunately, I got a wake-up call from some sort of online Dominant who told me to take it easy and learn to swim before jumping my head into the shallow end of the pool.

I can never thank him enough for that piece of advice. It's advice I try to tell every submissive, regardless of your age or experience level. There is always time to gain a little knowledge. It can protect you, it can make you more aware, and it can be fun.

For starters, this isn't going to be a comprehensive introduction to BDSM. There is far too much information to tell it all. What I hope to do is give you some practical knowledge to work with so that you at least have the resources you need to continue learning with confidence as you explore.

What is BDSM What does it stand forr?

BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, Masochism. Each of these words in itself is a term you could fill many books with. Basically, anything kinky falls under one of these terms. It's always good to have a working lexicon of the terms commonly used by those involved in BDSM and if you don't understand a word, look it up. You don't need to know all the vocabularies to practice BDSM, but if you're really curious, there are BDSM dictionaries all over the internet.n.

Not everyone you meet who likes BDSM wants to be part of a community. It's still hard to say you're kinky in public. BDSM is still in the closet for most people and that's okay with them. Those who do want to be part of the kinky community will find an amazing amount of experience and personal knowledge that everyone can learn from.

1. Is it a lifestyle?

BDSM is a lifestyle for me. I live it all the time, it's who I am. This is not the case in more than half of the BDSM population. I can't say I know exact numbers, but I know that out of 10 kinky people I could meet in a room, 7 probably don't identify as Lifestyle BDSMers. That's fine, we can still be kinky with each other without feeling awkward. We are all different after all.

There are also many different roles you can play in BDSM, from Top, Dominant or Master to Bottom, Submissive and Slave. There are also variations on these roles, depending on the type of dynamics you want. You could be into a daddy/little girl or mommy/little boy. You could be in a Poly Master/slave household where you are the alpha. You could just be kinky and love the fun stuff in the bedroom. It's all possible.

2. what's the big deal?

BDSM is a big deal for those who have anything to do with it because it excites them in some way; sexually, intellectually, emotionally, or all of the above. BDSM isn't always sex-driven, but it can be. Some of us consider it almost a sexual orientation. I believe that sexual orientation describes not only your gender-specific sexual identity, but also the differences in how you enjoy sex.

For example, someone with an extreme but healthy fetish would have that fetish as a requirement for sex, just as heterosexual, gay, or bisexual is an identifier for any person. For someone like me, sex isn't satisfying if it doesn't have elements of power exchange or SM. I don't get the same pleasure from regular sex as I do with power sex. This isn't to say I can't have regular sex, it's just my preference for Power Exchange and SM.

With the mainstream sensation of 50 Shades of Grey, more people are bringing D/s role play and BDSM to their bedrooms. With this influx of people, an important distinction is that for many people, BDSM is just a casual play experience, while others will apply D/s and kink to some or all of their lives and relationships. BDSM changes people and provides opportunities for expression that people may have never known before.

3. am i normal?

Yes. One of the first questions a new submissive asks herself is whether they normally desire the things they do. This can be kinky sex, humiliation or service. Anything that seems to fall outside the vanilla umbrella can make a newbie wonder if they're normal.

I have gained a better understanding of myself and a better understanding of what I want in life. There is no reason to be afraid of new and different things. You may find that these things are worthy of your attention and can bring you fulfillment in ways you never thought possible.

For example, even if you never thought you would discover bondage, one day you had a desire to see what it was all about. There's nothing wrong with trying it out to see what feelings and sensations there were. If you find yourself loving it, that's one more thing to learn about it and have fun with it. If you find that there isn't really a strong pull towards it, you can put it on the no-thank you list. Anyway, it's normal and human to explore things that are different and strange.

What about things that can be dangerous or pose risks Does that mean you are a risky person Not really. Everything you do carries risks, even driving to the corner store can lead to a fatal accident. Just because there are risks involved doesn't mean you should protect your desires.n.

So what is normal How can it be defined in a BDSM context Not so easy actually. Normal is different for every person. Everyone's idea of normal fluctuates and changes during their lifetime. So your idea of normal now won't be the same 5 years or even 5 months from now.u.

The uncomfortable feelings you experience when everything is brand new have nothing to do with normality but with acceptance. When you accept your feelings as normal, you feel normal. Thousands of people around the world are constantly discovering new and exciting things. Join the fun!

4. Yes, you have to try new things. But not everything will be for you.

One of our human strengths is that we like to try new things. As a novice submissive, you're probably very scared to get out of your bubble and try something that seems both terrifying and exciting to you. I want to encourage you to try anything that interests you at least once. Twice if you're not sure of your first reaction to it.

It's okay if you find something isn't working for you. It's okay if you change your mind. And it's okay if someone else likes it, but you don't. The key to exploration is to do this with an open mind and accept any reaction you get, for example if you've had fantasies of being tied up with rope and brought to orgasm over and over, but the real experience fell flat. of your Expectations you have a few choices. For example, if you've had fantasies of being roped in and having an orgasm over and over, but the real experience fell flat from your expectations, then you have a few choices.

You may decide it was hotter in fantasy but you are very glad you tried it. You won't be doing it any time soon.

You may find out that it was the person, situation, or time frame that influenced your reaction to fantasy play and you want to try again when things are more favorable.

You can decide that once was enough, now where's the next fantasy!

There are kinks that you come across that insult, repel, or just make you feel ugly. These are things that other people think are fine and enjoyable, but that doesn't mean you should try them. You don't even have to look at them. But you do have to accept that other people can and will participate in kinky activities that you don't enjoy.

Keep an open mind.

5. Yes, you can. Yes, others will have problems with it. No, they don't matter.

I said above that you might come across kinky activities that might offend you or make you wonder why anyone would find that so exciting. But you may also have an unusual or very unique kink that few others share with you. It could be that people don't like that kink and will be very loud and direct about why they like it

Don't let that disturb you. I know that sounds easier said than done, but learn to be thick-skinned, because there will be people who have closed their minds and find that their kind of kink is the only way and anyone who says or does anything different is wrong. The truth is, they don't matter to you.

It's about how you explore life and how you feel about your place in BDSM. Your confidence is sexy and it's powerful to know your preferences no matter what others think. Consider it this way; what harm could it do to you what they think about something you like or the right way to do something How does it affect you once they turn and walk awayn?

Probably very little. Embrace who you are.

6. Yes, you should explore your fantasies. But realize that not all fantasies can be easily translated to real life.

I touched on this a bit above, but not all fantasies work well in practice and some should never leave the realm of your dreams. You probably won't miss the reason this is. There are security risks or expectations that just don't work in real life. Suppose you have a fantasy of experiencing a stress position known to kill people or a real torture tactic like waterboarding. Likewise, there are fantasies that go against the law or moral code, such as pedophilia or animal cruelty, which should really remain a part of the fantasy.n.

That said, you can simulate many things to experience something like your fantasy without harm and within the realm of safety. I heard a story of someone who wanted to experience necrophilia with their partner (without actual death). To make this fantasy 'real', the female partner went to a private cemetery at night and lay on a grave for over an hour, cooling herself from the cold ground and icy air. Then, at the appointed time, the man would explore the cemetery and discover her "dead" body and rape her cold, limp body. The smiles on their faces show that it was a fantastic time for both of them.

Get creative and innovative with your fantasies to see if you can perform something that gives you the sense of fantasy without doing something you might regret later.

7. Yes, there are other people who share your kink. But please don't assume that the first person you meet is everything to you

Just because a person likes to have sex even though they'd like to be tied up in plastic doesn't mean she's compatible with you.

If you want a relationship with someone who likes a certain kink so you can experience that over and over, as well as the dynamics a relationship can bring, read on. Realistically, you think you are completely compatible with someone you know only one thing about It's like a lottery number, chances are you won't win. So, for the roll in plastic, talk to the person unless that's all you're interested in. Realistically, you think you are completely compatible with someone you only know one thing. It's like a lottery number, chances are you won't win.t.

A relationship isn't about fulfilling one specific fantasy, it's about making each other's dreams come true. Even if you've been looking for someone for months or years and this is the first person to say yes I love that nod, if you're not compatible with relationships then it really means nothing. The scope is greater

This goes for any submissive who is brand new to BDSM. The first Dominant you meet isn't necessarily your dream Dom. Don't submit to anyone until you know them backwards and forwards and are sure you are compatible with them. Evaluate them regularly.

If after a time of your choosing you decide that this person could really be your Dominant Dream, go for it. My best wishes to you.